you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
