remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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