This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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