best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize