So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
