From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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