From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
