I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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