turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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