its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
