if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
