You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
