Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
