if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's great music for shaving your balls
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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