I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
