so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
