I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
