you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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