hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
