he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
