You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
