i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just tell him i said nine months
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My breasts were aching with rage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
