somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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