so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
