On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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