Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
