u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you still have your period?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
