CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize