he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
