I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
