Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
