I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
