Can Purell be used as lube?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
