Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
