Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found your dick twin last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
