I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
