I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
