Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
