K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
