Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
