there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
