I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
