she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Text me some of your sweat
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