our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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