i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
