i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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