my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You don't make any sense
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