Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
