When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
