i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My vagina is officially offended.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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