Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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