She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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