apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
