So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
