I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
