google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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