Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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