After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
