I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
