my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
