Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
