Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
