I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
