You can't motorboat a personality
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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